Overcoming adversity by responding via functional denial

100% of the articles I’ve written about denial speak negatively about it. This article is an exception. There is such a thing as functional denial, where someone may overcome their adversity through the mindset of positive endeavour.

Functional denial in a person with a terminal illness isn’t them denying the reality they’ll die sooner than they’d wish, but it’s about functioning as if the reality was anything like that dire. They know they’ll die, but they use a positive mindset to wring the most out of every conscious moment. They just stop fixating on the obvious, knowing that fixating on it improves nothing and just makes living miserable.

The person who is grieving the loss of their loved one cannot deny the fact of their grief, but they can know, in not being able to escape their anguish, that they can function better by denying it.

By endeavouring to live as full a life as one can, in being grateful for the few reprieves they receive, and learning to live those moments the best they can, more of life comes.

When we’re grieving, we don’t need to worry that we’ll forget that we’re grieving—we cannot forget. So, why would we not ‘function’ better by denying the weight that otherwise so obviously burdens us so?

If we find ourselves triggered by certain environments, people or situations, we could do worse than choose beforehand to intentionally ‘deny’ what could (and may still will) overwhelm us. Part of this is about visualisation, of preparation, of doing whatever we can to put ourselves into the best position.

The overall method in using functional denial is endeavour, which is underpinned by a hope that refuses to be overcome. Call it resilience if you will, but there’s a faith that fights against adversity to the extent that our endeavour (our enterprise, our industry, our striving, our diligent courage) refuses to accept diminuation as an outcome we would settle for.

Functional denial is what people do when they adopt what the apostle Paul wrote about in Philippians 4:8-9… “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about these things.”

Paul was the example of the early church in this practice of what we call ‘the replacement principle’, i.e. replace thoughts of negativity which speak defeat, with thoughts of possibility that lead to actions of resilient response to adversity.

So, not all denial is bad. If we function by choosing to deny what we very well know is undeniable, we find a way of living life where we refuse to be beaten, where we are disciplined enough to endeavour to rid ourselves of any sign of dysfunction.

It’s not about ‘success’ as much as it is about the desire not to give up.

We know we’re living with great endeavour when we rise from what seems like it is a day of defeat, by saying, “This day did not go well… I feel crushed… but tomorrow I determine to try again… this grief may defeat me one day, but it won’t defeat me overall.”