The word that changes everything

Circumambulation. It’s a big word. It means that we continue, throughout our lives, to return to similar circumstances, which elicit similar emotional responses, albeit it in different situations. Many of these situations we can find perplexing.

But this article is not about the word, ‘circumambulation’.

Circumambulation is about how instinctively we return to our understanding until our understanding changes.

This article is about the word, ‘until’.

Sometimes we’re continually thwarted by life’s events. Sometimes we go along merrily, privately thinking what’s wrong with others ‘who respond the wrong way’. Sometimes we wonder when we’ll learn, so frustrated are we with the steepness of our individual learning curve.

Sometimes we just never understand until
something happens that changes our perspective.

We may not believe in autism spectrum disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (believing they’re just poorly behaved children with bad parents) until we have a child who is diagnosed with it.

We might wonder why a friend is still grieving the loss of a partner, parent or child until we are thrust into a similar position.

We may think forgiveness is easy until we encounter a situation where reconciliation is impossible.

We might judge individuals who divorce, thinking they should’ve worked harder on their marriage, until marital infidelity or unforeseen forces rock the foundations of our own marriage.

We can think of men (or women) hooked on pornography (or anything else) as weak or immoral until we find ourselves drawn down a rabbit warren of sin in ten minutes of boredom ‘on the net’ ourselves.

We may think someone is whinging excessively in bearing physical pain until we or a loved one face the same excruciating reality.

It could frustrate us that the person’s child with special needs is drawing attention to themselves and should be quiet, until someone dear to us has their own child with special needs.

You might be a ‘resilience convert’, thinking that it’s what everyone needs, that the weak need to just toughen up, until you or someone you love experiences trauma, and find how impossible it is to ‘get over’ the things that might trigger that trauma response.

Someone loses their job and you can see their fault, regardless of how the situation truly was, and you view them as unwise, even stupid, until you suffer the indignity of losing your job. Or, you think someone is overreacting about being in a ‘toxic’ workplace or relationship, until you or a loved one experiences that same kind of preposterous situation.

If you ever feel certain mindsets or emotions or spiritual things are easier for you than for others, then you may be gifted. Or, you may be deceived. It may be a case that you haven’t had a particular kind of life experience. Could it just be that you might be wrong? If so, wonderful!

See how the curve balls thrown at us in life forge the resources of empathy and compassion in us? Exposure to suffering has the benefit that we’re no longer so cocksure of ourselves. See how suffering loss and change and trial and despair can grow us up?

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash