Photo by James Hose Jr on Unsplash
I’ve learned so much more about marriage through failure than
through success. And what truly is marital success about? It depends from what
vantage point you come from. There are a variety of answers. Yet, some would be
far from the correct mark; some closer.
When asked what women want from a husband, my wife said, “to be
treated well and to help out around the house and assist the family i.e. to
work as a team.
When I first walked into marriage, I’d have had no such answer.
I would have said, “I need to love her.” But what does that mean? There’s so
much specificity required in any marriage relationship.
How do I love her?
How does a husband love his wife?
How does a wife love her husband?
Respect runs both ways. Men may often fail to love their wives by
failing to respect them. At one and the same time, they may, in failing to
respect their wives, insist on being respected. Marriage doesn’t work like that,
men. Don’t worry, I speak from experience. My wife hasn’t experienced unequivocal
respect from me, sorry am I to say.
There are many more things that a marriage partner needs to do
other than the two simple criteria that my wife identified. But there’s a hint
there. It’s not rocket science.
Marriage is a very practical art.
It’s not as much about being attractive to your spouse as it’s
about being able to cohabit with them. It’s not about the words you say as much
as it’s about the way you say them. It’s very much about adding value to their
life and not abusing them. It’s about actually taking sacrificial action,
prepared not to receive anything back. But it can’t be all one way!
Marriage often requires more from us than we were readily prepared
to give. It pushes us to grow. Marriage is for growers. It’s not the romantic
pleasure palace that the romance stage of a relationship sells us. Marriage is
not for dreamers. That’s the domain of romance.
Marriage needs much more than romance.
Failure, of course, teaches us more than success ever can, and
this is incredibly pertinent in marriage. This presumes that redemption is a
concept marriage partners willingly embrace and can work with. Marriage
partners need to believe in restoration out of brokenness, but on the other hand
it’s no good if only one partner turns up. One partner cannot always be the
irresponsible one.
Marriage is for mature people. Only those who are on the
pilgrimage to maturity enjoy the challenges they inevitably face in learning to
love the spouse they chose.
Just my thoughts…
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