Grief
is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual
necessity, the price you pay for love. The
only cure for grief is to grieve.
— Earl A.
Grollman
At a time when we’ve recently ‘celebrated’ two years since a
significant grief started, I’ve often wondered how others honestly perceived me
and us in this social media age. I’m an
avid blogger, as you the reader will know.
I’ve written about two-hundred articles on our personal journey since
July 1, 2014. Overall, I’ve written
nearly six-hundred on grief and loss. I’m acutely aware that writing so much is
ingratiating for some. I feel called to
write on whatever God places on my heart, but the social media age can bring
with such expression the idea of ‘enough already’ in those who receive my posts. I do understand that that can lead to
negative perceptions, which is a cost of expression.
Recently I heard about a woman who had been abused by a Facebook
friend for apparently posting too much about her loss. A lady I’m acquainted with posted a
photograph of the text message, worried that someone might do the same to
her. She and her partner had lost their
baby at 59-days-old. Shattered by her
loss, her grief found safe harbour within a special group to which I belong — because
of our loss. Only six months have passed. The baby she had long prayed for, the baby
that was hers, hers to enjoy, had Pallister-Killian Syndrome (PKS) — the syndrome
our deceased son had. Nobody can
comprehend the journey she’s been on, least of all herself or her partner and
their family. Nobody.
To read words like those in the picture above is infuriating in
one sense, and bewildering in another.
Infuriating because nobody gets to say those words to someone bereaved. Bewildering because there are many out there
who think people just need to harden up a little — and nothing anyone says will
convince them otherwise.
The point I want to make is this: who can legitimately judge the
length, or the expression, of a person’s grief?
And how unfair is it, that, given our grief must be expressed, that the only cure for grief is to grieve, people
find they cannot bear those who grieve during this time; that they might find
those who grieve ingratiating.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past thirteen years of
experiencing a series of losses, it’s that grief lasts longer than we would
ever like or anticipate. And the irony
is, the person grieving has had enough of the grief long before anyone on the
periphery would complain of them being ingratiating.
Love is measured in how well we bear the burden of others. It is better than somebody else experiences
loss, and that we have the privilege of support, than such loss strikes us.
If someone has experienced loss, let us love them by giving them
plenty of space to express how they feel, with no limit of time.
© 2016 Steve Wickham.
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