Enduring the Conscious Pain In Grief

A poem called, “When I Awoke, All There Was, Was Pain”

Dark clouds they emerged from the horizon,

As if the enormity of despair weren’t nearly enough,

In my unconsciousness there was serenity,

But now I’m awake ‘life’ returns and it’s tough!

In slumber there was no hell that suffocated me,

But now I lay here bewildered and glum,

Times like this I wonder why life came to be this way,

Times like this I just feel so totally numb.

Then years wore on,

And I got over my grief,

I went from strength to strength,

Because I found my relief.

But one reflective moment,

In my mind’s eye,

I’m back there on my bed,

Feeling like I’ll die.

I’ll never forget,

The sorrow of pain,

To lay their speechless,

And feel I was going insane.

The pain of grief is torture – as is manifest in waking up to reality, yet again. There is hope in God. Go to God. Go to the people of God.

Yes, “Go to God,” he says, and maybe flippantly so.

But there is no answer that comes close. The only thing we can do is wait-out or out-wait the pain – to endure it – and the only way we can do that, with sustainability, is to go to God and go to the people of God we can rely upon.

What to Do When We Can’t Sleep for the Rest of Our Lives

We can’t sleep for the rest of our lives, though in the depression of grief we will tend to oversleep or drastically undersleep.

Getting up and getting on with our lives is about recognising that things can still be done, even though life, for a time, is hell. There’s no disputing it. But reality is gracious enough to allow us to plod away and make some headway.

If we are wise we will congregate around the people of God who we find supportive. Just spending time with them, as individuals and corporately, with those we trust and feel safe with, will help an enormous amount.

We know we can’t bury our heads in the sand.

We know we need to get on with the business of life at some point. Gently, we set little goals and we receive God’s plaudits for the times of achievement. Yes, we receive them; they are God’s confirmation that at least we are trying.

***

In the shock of grief, in the despair, when we don’t want to wake up, but we know we have to, it pays to do little things to survive, and to get close to the people of God we know and trust and are safe with.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.