Whilst to feel is to enjoy the
best of life, it means also, paradoxically, that we suffer more acutely the
pain. Alternatively, the thesis not to feel, to defend and deny, is a choice
the majority make because feeling involves far too much risk; there’s safety in
guarding against pain (guilt, shame, embarrassment, exposure, grief, loss etc).
To feel or not to feel—there’s a
choice. Yet many find themselves predisposed to one or the other.
During spare moments, where there’s
time to reflect, an awareness of feelings gathers about... to feel or not to
feel—that’s our predicament:
***
Spare
moments, indeed, out in the sun,
Forever,
if ever, we know we can run,
Spare
moments may bring an anxious awareness,
The knowledge, just now, of life’s
unfairness.
Interceding
in the space, captured anew,
The
defence so typical, arriving as due,
Coming into
being, enters our ‘mate’,
Quelling our feelings as if right
on fate.
Choice
becomes known, right about now,
To allow
such defence or continue to plough,
Awareness,
it comes, an overused word,
If we let it, it’ll make us free
as a bird.
With
courage we tackle this newfound fact,
Quickly
along with it, the commitment to act,
At once we
see what we may be becoming,
Indwells us because we like an
image so stunning.
***
Spare moments are good in that
they offer us space for thought, but this thought might occasionally degenerate
into anxiety or despair, purely because an absence of things to do or think
about means the mind is unoccupied—hence, the reflective imagination can take
the reins.
So in this moment we may be
feeling. If and when our feeling becomes too much it provokes a defence—we then
have a choice; do we side with the defence entering denial or to refocus on
something else, or do we ‘continue to plough’ boldly into these feelings.
Continuing To Plough – Entering Upon
Further Enquiry
At times it takes a great deal of
courage to progress a painful feeling, dredging deeper below into the source of
the lament. As we rough up for seeding the earth within the soul, causing angst
we rarely feel, we can expect to become undone emotionally. We’re unravelling
ourselves in order to, at some point, reconstruct a better, more ‘stunning’ us.
This is the purpose of feeling.
It’s getting to know, and developing, ourselves. Both are discreet, yet
magnificent, tasks and outcomes. Whom, and how many, actually delve into
themselves to such an extent—voluntarily? Only the emotionally mature, or those on that path.
To feel is freedom, despite the
pain at times. To feel is to be human. To feel is to be every bit alive. To
feel as we’re supposed to feel, and to be free for feeling, is to know the
experience of salvation—the Presence of God. That’s because to feel is to
attend to the truth.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
No comments:
Post a Comment