There are days we want to be
thankful, but, just the same, we can’t feel it.
Just knowing we ought to be
thankful helps, but it also hinders. We feel apart from ourselves; hardly on
the same page—if that’s even possible.
Some hours are troublesome
mentally and, therefore, emotionally and spiritually. Some entire days have us
vanquished beyond reasonable sense for what we think we should feel. Sometimes
what we feel is incomprehensible. It defies analysis.
Hope That Spreads Beyond Feeling
What does it take to endure such
an hour; such a day?
We know what it takes: patience,
humility, courage, faithfulness, gentleness with ourselves, persisting
endurance, even a convenient forgetfulness.
Within all the abovementioned
virtue is the unspeakable and incoherent sense that we must just be; like when
we pray to God in silence beyond words—in utterances surpassing language.
Hope that spreads beyond feeling
is the encounter we have in those moments that are anything but comfortable; those
moments in those hours and days before we are revived again. The hour or day we
are revived is usually the next hour or next day, never too far away.
Endurance Is the Much Practiced Art
Why do we not give ourselves more
credit for our endurance?
The fact that we remain, today and
every day, and even on the days we give up, we remain. Remaining alive, living
and breathing in this broken world, is a testament to the grace of God and to
the tenacity of the human will to subsist on grace alone.
Endurance is something we have had
plenty of practise mastering.
So why would we get down on
ourselves? Disparaging ourselves has become an art form for too many of us. It
would be better to disparage the devil.
Enduring the hour, and enduring
the day, is the consistent application of enduring how we have already endured.
We could have always done better, I suppose. But perfection is a pretty poor
yardstick in life.
Surely the best we can do is to be
still within ourselves and know the Presence of God.
Making it through an unsavoury
hour, and putting each shaky hour upon each previous hour—in making it through
a trial of a day—is the project of hopefulness ventured forth in faith.
Time ticks forward. It always has
and always will. When we abide with time things eventually improve. An honest
hopefulness is the better way.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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