Preparing for that Life Changing Moment

The truth of life is held, as in a droplet, within a moment, and then everything changes, even as most things stay the same.

As data makes its way as information, compiled meaningfully, assembled truthfully, pulsating in reality, we breathe in and then we breathe out.

Consciousness facilitates thought, which proffers reflection. Therein lays the pain. Or perhaps it’s a case that this information is just a little too surreal. We stare, fully awakened to the truth, not anesthetised, but the information breaks over the senses of our cognitive experience, even as we feel it.

This is how we may be exposed to a life changing moment.

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Preparing for a life changing moment is every stretch of wisdom, given the paradox: we cannot possibly prepare for the specificity of such a unique set of mental and emotional requirements.

But if we have learned anything at all about life until this point it’s that pain has the purpose of compelling the instructiveness of experience.

In short, the pain we have experienced in truth – that which we bore upon our reality, not shirking it – has been the very impetus for preparation as harder things come.

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Life changing moments are so inevitable we are foolish to not try and anticipate them.

As we do try and guard our wellbeing by envisaging what could happen and how it could cost us, we are not being pessimistic, but we are being wise. Such reflections also nurture the grounded solidity of humility in us.

We can easily borrow some bad outcomes from others; there are plenty of bad news stories going around. Without sufficient faith we would be sunk into an abyss of depression, but with humility we are able to soak up learning – “How would I respond?”

As soon as we recognise that we are open on all counts to the vagaries of life our confidence in our solitary control is obliterated. We begin to respect God – who is the Author of Control. We are not depressed in being the controlled as much as we are grateful for all the many days of our lives when life was safe and predictable.

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Life will change dramatically for all of us at some point. We are wise to engage in the humility of tasting others’ dark experiences – even as we empathise.

That life change is inevitable shouldn’t be depressing. If we prepare our hearts for the pain that will come eventually, we may endure the hardship better.

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Sailing on the stormy seas is fraught with danger. The time to check all the critical rigging is when the weather is fine, not when we are battered, bruised, and broken.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

Standing in the Ghetto of the Surreal

My wife sat there gazing at her little screen. She was playing YouTube videos of babies being treated neonatally with congenital diaphragm herniation – one of the conditions our baby has in utero. I hardly noticed to begin with, but there were tears streaming down her face. Her crying was silent; a private requiem for what was so personally hers. We embraced, yet hardly spoke a word.

We stand in some surreal moments of life, where the emotions could be palpable, if only we were to experience them. Somehow, perhaps, God protects us and holds us as functional beings even in the midst of shattering situations.

Standing in the ghetto of the surreal – and it is a ghetto, because that is where the minority stand – is beyond description; it’s beyond analysis; it just is. Yet, somehow, it seems easy to get on with life, and perhaps it is the calm before the storm. Maybe it’s faith. Or maybe those prayers being prayed on our behalf are helping us.

Standing in the ghetto of the surreal proves experience to be unreal, even in the starkness of the reality we cannot help but notice is hitting us square between the eyes.

As we stand in these moments, where the ordinary humdrum of life seems but a distant memory, where there really was nothing to worry about, we are forgiven for getting down on ourselves. And as our thoughts circum-ambulate through our minds the pain of such recurrent thought can be tormenting. Fortunately, that has not been my experience for some time. It tends not to bother me when thoughts continue to circulate freely in my mind. It’s the unconscious problem-solving faculty.

But, as it is, standing in the ghetto of surreal is, of itself, hallowed ground. God goes there and so do angels.

Where humanity rarely treads divinity traipses every day; in the surreal. What is painful is also holy ground.

Whenever we experience the surreal it can appear that we are being segregated, removed from the general population, isolated for maltreatment. But standing in the ghetto of the surreal is very special territory, if only we can see it as divinity’s training ground. We are under the care of God if we will release ourselves into his hands.

Surreal experiences are so often spiritual experiences. This is because the surreal experience is the invitation to a reality quite unreal, yet never more real.

When we are blindsided by the surreal we are invited to journey with God. God will never take us where we cannot safely, and under his guidance, go.

Standing in the ghetto of the surreal is a reality quite unreal – a very spiritual experience, and an invitation to journey with God.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

Touching Our Brokenness, Seeking God’s Healing

“I know too well that beneath my arrogance there lies much self-doubt, just as there is a great amount of pride hidden in my self-rejection.”

— Henri Nouwen (1932–1996)

Acknowledging our sin is so very often a much easier task than acknowledging our essential brokenness – those elements of arrogance hiding our self-doubt and the pride that rears its ugly head in anger because we have not yet experienced self-acceptance. The irony here is that most narcissistic of persons are buried still in that selfsame self-doubt and self-rejection. There is still far too much fear.

One thing we learn early on in the therapeutic process is no matter how well adjusted we are to life, we have issues that will forever prevail and these necessitate humility.

Humility will be our only chance in reconciling matters of self-doubt and self-rejection. Humility will help us to own those inevitable moments where self-doubt and self-rejection arise so we can right our ship.

The further we go in the therapeutic process, the more access we have to humility in the moments of need as they arise.

The more honestly we explore our self-limiting factors, the more of God’s enabling strength and power we can access through the Holy Spirit.

The easier we can accept our own brokenness, the more relational we will be; there is something very warm about being in the company of the honest. There is no pretence, no need to jocularity, and still the moments of relating are light and amenable.

Our best therapeutic chance is to acknowledge our inevitable brokenness and to seek God in his healing, continually. Such a seeking becomes habitual and is truly an intrinsic part of the Christ-like character – the practicing of honest humility.

Being a true disciple of Christ is a paradoxical reality – we are broken people who always need saving (though we are saved for all eternity), yet we are being made new every day. A true disciple regularly acknowledges areas of weakness in order to receive God’s blessed renewing power.

Acknowledging brokenness is the key to experiencing a moment’s wholeness. When we have finally found how to attain a moment’s wholeness, and we know it’s conditional on being honest about our brokenness, we are motivated to receive this freely accessible wholeness. Our pride and arrogance are no longer inhibitors, but we still recognise them when they spring up, and we are readier to deal with them.

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What a blessing it is to come face to face with our brokenness so we may be healed of it in the moment. Such healing is acceptance. As we are, God loves us; broken and all. Healing is not as much about being ‘fixed’ as it is about being honest.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

In Search of Loving Humility

“Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.”

― Sigmund Freud (1856–1939)

If there were anything we could ever give for God,

Anything that might make him approvingly nod,

It would be to throw ourselves in to loving others,

That our joy would be in our sisters and brothers.

The project that is the pleasing of our Lord,

Our willingness to see our God adored,

Is fulfilled when we have addressed,

Our faults of character so he is impressed.

The honing of humility must be our goal,

To love at full tilt must be our role,

Brothers and sisters abound in our sight,

When we see love and when we see right.

Narcissism is sin’s seed truly at full steam,

But love and humbleness are life’s classic cream,

God wants to give us every little due,

But only through love are we made new.

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Talking extremes helps us to clarify matters. There is a vast chasm filled with the ocean of life between the continents of loving humility and narcissism. We all battle narcissism, but at its extremes it is a sense of entitlement that leads us to exploit others, and in that we fail empathy’s test.

Empathy is a golden key to humility. It is inherently loving.

When we throw ourselves into love, because we have pointed our love toward others, we cannot help but become more humble. Our intention is beyond ourselves and into broader life perspectives.

Everything that we are and all we can be relies on our getting past ourselves. And we really need to be active in this. If we are not active the forces of life may well marry themselves to us. Because of our inaction we have most definitely acted.

The circumstances of life require a loving response. But if we are ill prepared to respond in loving ways, the circumstances of life will show that we have already decided.

Love is the way to please God. Through reconciliation and forgiveness and grace we have a way forward. What grows from love is goodness. And all sorts of fruit of the Spirit are manifest as a result of tirelessly attempting to please God through love. In love we are certainly blessed by a multiplicity of love.

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By loving other people we have the secret to approaching God with honour, having pleased him. Loving other people is the best self-protection we can have. Loving other people comes to be a real source of wisdom.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

The Journey to the Freedom of Authenticity

Authentic people are willing to let go of who they feel they should be in order to become who they are.

If we are willing to take the above truth by the cudgels, to journey with God in the midst of brave honesty, we will taste the freedom of authenticity.

We will no longer need to satisfy some external criteria or please people to establish our worth. If we are willing to take certain steps we will inevitably experience the blessing of the freedom of authenticity.

How might we describe this freedom?

The freedom of authenticity is the blessing of acceptance; of experiencing God’s unconditional acceptance so intrinsically that we accept ourselves, also, without condition. Achieving this takes a lot of work, but the irony is it should be very simple. It only takes a lot of work because our ego resists the implicit flow of the Spirit as it is ushered in and through our beings. The ego resists for the simple reason that, notwithstanding our self-defensive pride, it is not natural for the ego to have faith in itself – to trust, no less. The ego is a fabrication and it cannot stand by itself. But, authenticity of the Spirit is the surpassing of the ego.

Authenticity is neither threatened by the ego nor does it fight the ego.

Authenticity is a friend of reality, because no reality can threaten it. Therefore, authenticity is free. See how authenticity fears nothing. It is humbly confident.

The cost for achieving this halcyon state is one of surrendering our modes of self-protection; to become vulnerable and, indeed, wedded to the truth.

This, in sum, is the process of discipleship under the Lord Jesus. There is no other way to authenticity. It must become the most important thing or it will never happen.

So, for the price of surrendering one form of ‘freedom’ – to specify our exacting whims of selfishness – we receive the bounteous freedom to live.

Nothing can touch this freedom. It is a pinnacle spiritual state; a high peak of salubrious means; the very best of life. When we have very little fear, yet we have a bountiful supply of joy, as if it was welling up from the spring of life within us, we have what nobody but God could give and we have something that we can’t possibly lose. But we do need to adapt to being safely vulnerable so we are truthful first of all with ourselves.

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Authentic people are willing to let go of who they feel they should be in order to become who they are.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.