Making the Unconscious Conscious

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

~Carl Gustav Jung

The best favours we do for ourselves lie inwardly at the request of the soul, and ours is simply to listen. This is the willingness to hear truth; to hear things as they are. Things are what they are, deeply, in the inner reaches of the unconscious. They lie there dormant and dynamic. And they won’t be shifted.

The most powerful truth of all regarding our thinking, and therefore our feeling, and therefore our acting, is what goes down into the unconscious must come up again.

Whatever we repress beckons as potential. Whatever we nullify lies for expansion. Whatever we deny lies coded deeply within us. None of this we can run away from.

But there is no need to be afraid of the unconscious, despite the strange and uncharacteristic nuances of identity that we will be confronted with.

As we make available the mental, emotional, and spiritual space for exploration of the unconscious compartments of us, drawing these up into our consciousness, we are initially struck, but the adjustments we make are liberating. We begin to understand why we are the way we are.

More and more, hence, we have the power for conscious choice.

The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth

God has constructed humanity to abide to the truth. This is perhaps no more evident than the linkage between our experience and our unconscious minds. Our damage, our hurts, our biology and heredity, and everything else that has proved the making of us, has played an integral part in the construction of our unconscious identities.

We cannot run from ourselves. We cannot hide. We can no longer run from ourselves than we can run from God. The unconscious mind holds us to account, if we can see it that way. Sure, we can run, but it serves us no good.

What goes down into the caverns of our unconscious spheres, creating and building on our material, must inevitably come up. This is the way life works. We are much more circular than we ever realise.

Grasping The Path To Liberation

If we accept that God has given us the key to ourselves, and true liberation of soul, by the mode of self-exploration, nothing holds us back, except our fearful selves.

Fear is one thing that holds us back, but with God’s sponsorship we become convinced that what looks like risk is just the path to excitement. There are scary parts to our pasts, no question, but we have God’s assurance that he is with us all throughout. No matter the challenges in assimilating the new material, God is with us.

As soon as we begin delving in matters of the past that have gone deep down we begin having a lot more control over what comes up and how it comes up. Why would we choose not to take on this type of project? It proves only for our betterment.

***

There is peace when we greet the truth that lies within ourselves. This can come only as we embrace everything—the darkness and the light—and bring it to our acceptance. God accepts us; why do not we?

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Toward an Understanding of Being

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

~Carl Gustav Jung

What if we were to replace irritation with fascination? This is not as ridiculous a thought as what it might originally seem. Yet, we need to overcome our pride in order to unlock the enigma that contains the hidden compartment of our inner lament.

Our greatest hates may indeed be those things we have about ourselves at an unconscious level. Why is it we feel so passionate, indifferent, or disgusted? Many times we have no logical response to such a question.

But what we can gain from such an enquiry is we may glimpse a mystery. We do not know ourselves like we think we do. God may know, but really we don’t.

Making Conscious The Unconscious Mind

There is nothing twisted and dreamy about the concept of exploring the fullest mind.

Caverns below what we consciously know is a plethora of meaning derived from some of the earliest experiences we ever had—nearly all of which we cannot remember. So much that has happened to us is locked away, and though, as a shadow, it directs our lives, we hardly give it a moment’s credence.

We are not condemned by fate so much as we are compelled by our deeper minds.

And whilst we refuse to access the codes written so deeply, we refuse ourselves the power to change, for we do not take the unconscious mind seriously. And because we do not make the unconscious mind conscious we lack the power to change.

It would be better for us to take whatever cues we can draw from our reactions to people and life and our passions and dreams, and even our nightmares, and so turn them into knowledge. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason.

A goal of life is to learn about ourselves and accept ourselves; every dark bit.

Celebrating Even The Irritations

Depending on our make-up, the occasions of life reveal us to ourselves. What irritates, teaches. What infuriates, tutors us. What we despise, as it comes to our attention, enthrals only the learner’s understanding.

It’s up to us whether we learn or not, or whether we proudly refuse the lesson that God, via our experience, is providing us.

And truth be told we refuse far many more lessons than we, with an open mind, accept. And though this is an abomination before God, God does not give up. As we learn to view the irritation, the annoyance, the fear, and the disgust, etc, with fresh externalised eyes, God is showing us a new thing about ourselves.

***

We change ourselves by learning about ourselves. We can do nothing with ourselves until we dig deep in and below the dirty material we have. When we are no longer afraid of ourselves, we are no longer afraid of anything.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

The Grace to Forgive Misunderstandings

The longer relationships go, in trust, the more they grow in confidence of rapport.

There will be misunderstandings.  This is the point; how else is trust to be forged?  Good relationships are characterised by the forgiveness of misunderstandings.

First, let’s look at the nature of misunderstanding.

In the mix of some great interactions there are pieces (literally bits) of messages that are misunderstood, whether not communicated, heard or replied well (or a combination of these).  This highlights the mystery of communication, and the limits of the conscious human mind, together with the individual motives and reason that shift focus from where it’s meant to be.

Good Friends – Good Humour

Isn’t it a feature of strong friendships that parties to them can laugh off ‘senior’ and forgettable moments?  This is feature of the high trust that’s been earned both ways over time.  It’s grace for sure and certain.  Grace understands that communication errors will happen.

But there’s more... let’s not forget the forgettable blunders.

Somehow there’s also a generous allowance for mistakes of intention to be made — those due to moral failures, like a lack of loyalty.  Everyone should know that to be disloyal, a vice in example, is to be human.

Child Psychology – Applications To Friendship

The difference between good friends and those with fractured relations is summed up in the typical child’s response.  In reaction to relationship situations children are either fun-loving or hurt.

It’s easy to take that child analogy into adult communication, for no matter how mature we become we’re only an instant away from reacting like children again.  It’s the higher mind — the higher thinking processes — that, of course, protects us from going there.

The Recipe For Success

It is easy to envy people who have maintained their ‘best friends forever’ relationships all their lives.  These have occurred through no mistake.  Forgiveness must necessarily have played its part.

When there is conflict in any relationship — and it will occur (always does) — both parties have their choice of response.  Will it be the practice of humour to issue grace (so long as that grace is not taken advantage of) or will it be hurt feelings that characterises the mood?  The former is sustaining the relationship; the latter straining it.

It depends on each person to determine how important the relationship is.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

After Suicide

Much like the responses we might have if we were to be harangued by a suicide, this article will be inadequate. What could possibly describe our feelings, and thoughts, and anything, really, having endured the suicide of someone close, other than inadequacy.

Inadequacy must be entirely normal.

Not that we would be inadequate, per se, just inadequate for an active response to it.

And then there is the river of hurt, with lashings of guilt and feelings of comprehensive shame. Not that any of these are deserved. A living hell: that is the experience.

What is the purpose of reading this? Hopefully there is something of the mysterious, eternal, and ever-present voice of God transmitting empathy through the situation into hurting hearts both here and departed.

How To Feel When There Are No Words

No words could possibly even come close to describing the redoubled grief at the appendage of suicide. Such a thing clings as a fact despite our reticence; despite our will to turn back the circumstances of time.

What is ‘now’ other than hope for something of a fresh beginning? But how do we leave things so tremendously impacting and dire? How do we say goodbye when there was no chance to say goodbye? How do we do things up when things are left so interminably undone?

There are so many questions... so many questions with no adequate response.

And any ‘adequate response’ can only be personally determined.

Yet we must cling to some vestige of hope, and faith gets us there, even against the will to give up, for somehow we cannot give up.

No Fault, Just Compassion

In a thing called suicide there is always the inevitable pinhole burn of guilt, as if a pinprick is all it takes for sorrow to leak through, so as to stain our entire existence.

For those who have suicided they will have reckoned themselves toward guilt; but it was not their fault, for they tried their absolute best. For those left behind there is also guilt; it wasn’t and can’t be our fault, for we would do anything to assuage harm.

There can be no condemnation to suicide, surely. Such a sorrowful situation can only bequeath copious offerings of compassion to soothe and somehow heal lives parted.

Compassion must surely be all there is. We cannot imagine a loving God being anything but tremendously saddened by these events for all parties concerned. God is an entirely good God and goodness shall be known for all those who suffer in this life.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Spirituality’s Magnificent Seven

“Today admit your need, seek God’s help, celebrate his love, live for his glory, study his wisdom, work for his kingdom, rest in his grace.”

 ~Paul David Tripp

What if we could formulise the spiritual life? Seven nuances of faith are presented above and explored below:

1. Admitting Our Need

The most important step in addressing any weakness is admitting our need. It’s certainly the first step in 12-step programs of recovery. Everyone needs God whether they admit it or not. When we begin each day by admitting our need we recommit to re-establishing our spiritual search. Such a search embarked upon in earnestness avails us to the answer; an answer that unlocks our day.

2. Surrendering So We May Be Helped

Admitting our need leads to seeking God’s help. And the only way we may be helped is by surrendering our weakness, and surrendering in our weakness, before God who is the only One that can help. The more we admit we need help the more secure we are in the truth of life. Life sorts us out. Only in God do we have an adequate response, overall.

3. Celebrating How Much We Are Loved

The One that helps loves us. We give up on God, readily, but God never gives up on us. There is much to celebrate in this unconditional love that refuses to let go of us. Whenever we bask in God’s love the Fruit of the Spirit is returned to us. We are blessed in joy, peace, patience, and goodness, etc. For love, we grow in virtue.

4. Living For God’s Glory

It seems easier living for God’s glory when we understand, afresh, how much we are loved. It’s a very normal response to love God back in recognition for just how much we are loved. When we live for God’s glory our sacrifice is for love; we need no credit. Our privilege and our pleasure become united in the quest for wisdom.

5. Studying God’s Word

The great condition of our spiritual growth is our ongoing immersion in the Word of God—toward growth in wisdom. This is our lifeline to a fervent spirituality that keeps us growing in the good times and stable in the not-so-good times.

6. Working For The Kingdom’s Cause

With all of the foregoing stowed, energising our spiritual efforts, working for the Kingdom’s cause is an abounding freedom. And with every endeavour toward the Kingdom’s end we are affirmed that God is blessed as we work in our humble way.

7. At The End, And Always, Finding Rest In God

Symbolic of day’s end, and of Sabbath, we learn to rest and we enjoy it. Rest is earned, but mostly, we work out of rest. Finding rest in God is the necessary process for energising future conquests.

***

Seven magnificent things God gives us: power at our admission of our need for help, nurture in his love, blessing to live for his glory, the ability to study his Word, the privilege to serve in his Kingdom, and the capacity for and enjoyment of rest.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

How Are You Doing? – Seriously

When we ask people, “How are you doing?” we shouldn’t expect to hear the truth most of the time.

Some of the time they can’t tell us the truth and sometimes they won’t tell us. And sometimes they will. Most of the time people instinctively cover what they really feel.

Why is this?

It’s because people are asked insincerely. If there is one thing we are asked flippantly, “How are you doing?” is it. Many times people aren’t the foggiest bit inclined to hear a heartfelt response to that question. Would we be prepared to hear, “Not so good; my life is going horribly”?

Do we have the time to devote to affirming that type of response?

Exploring This Unauthenticity

The inauthentic invites the inauthentic.

People can’t or won’t tell us what’s really going on for them for a variety of reasons. They don’t trust us or our intent for asking. They may feel we are just being nice and polite and, therefore, we deserve a nice answer—not to be burdened. Or maybe they don’t feel we or they have the time to explore the deeper issues at hand. Perhaps there are no deep issues troubling the conscious mind at the time.

The wondrous element of authenticity in rapport is this: people can smell a mile off whether we are for real or not.

People will share their burdens with a caring person. Sometimes those people who share don’t even know why they share, but a caring person invites them in safety.

Why Do We Ask?

If we ask people how they are out of genuine interest then we understand the power of authenticity in respect of people. Why, then, do we ask such awkward questions of people if we are genuinely uninterested?

It’s perhaps because we, of ourselves, are uncomfortable deeper within. Maybe our lack of authenticity with others is a clue for our lack of authenticity with ourselves.

Sometimes it’s because it’s a habit—we ask, “How are you doing?” because it fills an awkward void. We don’t want to appear unfriendly or distant, but in asking insincerely that is actually what we do.

Sometimes it buys us time; there are no awkward silences whilst we think of something more meaningful to ask or say. It’s a foot in the door.

If we travel into this awkwardness we are bound to have a better chance of finding better questions to ask and we will have the opportunity of asking those questions with real, interested intent.

***

When we ask people how they are going we should ask expecting an honest answer. When we ask insincerely we will get an insincere response. But when we ask in a genuinely caring way, we invite people to open up.

Being honest with people in our interactions with them requires us to be honest with ourselves. Insincerity with others often reveals insincerity within ourselves.

Being real with people is the greatest gift we can give both them and ourselves.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

The Courage to Fail Well

We can become so stilted toward success in life that we become morbidly fearful of failure. When the drive to achieve sets the compass of all our hopes, there is little room or toleration for missing the mark.

Our very hunger for success may just be the thing that keeps us from true success—the liberation of our person. Only when we are free to fail, abjectly free to remain happily broken, not fearful at all of disappointing people, are we relaxed regarding performance.

And let’s get it straight, life is all about performance.

It seems a core competency in the vanguard toward maturity, that failure would become accepted—not as an end in itself, but as an important means compelling us to a better end.

Going Against The Theme Of Life

It can be hard going against the theme of life, especially regarding our personal preferences for success and others’ expectations that we would be successful.

But the success-at-all-costs approach fails because it is so fearful of failure. It doesn’t have an answer for failure. It may even be confounded by it.

Going against the theme of life, which is the aberrant passion for success, is not about attracting failure per se—for who would do that? It is more about seeing failure as a necessary part of every journey of success. No one can taste success every time.

How would we learn to improve if we never failed? How would we be inspired to win if we never lost? How would we connect with compassion and sorrow if all there was were bliss and happiness? The experience of failure actually makes us more rounded individuals. We become better winners for having lost. And when we can lose, yet we don’t give up, then we have assumed the attitude of a true winner.

Beyond Embarrassment And Humiliation

The essence of failure is the feeling of replete exposure. The outworking of such emotion is generally embarrassment and humiliation. Courage is required in meeting these emotions. These are paradoxical concepts. Where we fail, we most need courage.

Getting beyond embarrassment and humiliation, without denying the failure that has occurred, is reliant on how well we can draw on courage. Courage in this way is the ability to handle truth truthfully.

When we don’t have to hide the truth, and we can live with ourselves beyond the embarrassment and humiliation, no failure can defeat us; not ultimately.

***

In a life that celebrates success and shuns failure, there, the fear of failure runs rife. It would be better to accept failure as a necessary ingredient toward success. When we can celebrate failure because of what we are learning, we are the true path to success.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

The Diligent Extravagance of Joy

“Joy is the will which labors, which overcomes obstacles, which knows triumph.”

 ~William Butler Yeats

Much of life is deeply existential and it feels harder than it often is. We are easily duped into thinking, and therefore believing, that the easy joys of life sit ever beyond our conciliation. It’s true; some seasons prove joy to be elusive. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Joy can be procured. It can be secured by sufficient resourcefulness. Joy can be brought to bear.

First Comes The Mental Attitude Of Possibility

Before we invest in the work that creates joy we need to believe, genuinely from within ourselves, that we can achieve it.

When the possibility of joy is believed, faith is invested which is fuelled by hope. There is no question that hope can be borrowed. We don’t need to feel hopeful to see possibility if faith can sponsor our way, simply via a decision to act.

Possibility is a wonderful phenomenon. It breaks past the vestiges of lament, even momentarily interrupting a season of sorrow, to indwell the mind with openness, and to cause the heart to flourish in an eventual catharsis.

Truly, possibility opens the way for joy. Then all that remains is the vessel’s preparedness to work, to overcome, to triumph.

We are vessels for joy; if we wish it that way.

Second Comes A Succession Of Physical Acts

Nothing good comes of this life without a little effort to get it underway. Sure, there are exceptions—the things that just fall into our laps—but these are isolated exceptions.

Joy is what gets things going in life, and, because it is such a go-getter, launching from the get-go, it produces sufficient inertia to overcome obstacles. And when obstacles are overcome there is the emergence of triumph.

Joy is no fair-weather-only friend; it is known anywhere and it is extravagant by effect.

There is hardly a better feeling or reward for faith than the acquisition of triumph in the midst of hopelessness. Times when there was no rational reason to continue, but where we did, realise the magnificence of joy that doesn’t give up—but just keeps working.

Third Comes A Long Memory

Having tested the process, and knowing that, by faith, joy can take us so much farther, we are loath to forget the power within us that is afforded in just working. Where we are prepared to work, we are prepared to be rewarded. But reward is not the reason we work. Reward may be seen as a by-product.

But easily we give up. Easily we forget. When we develop a long memory for the mastery of joy, however, that memory serves us well in wisdom for the future.

***

Joy comes by believing in possibilities, creating it through the will to act, and not forgetting how we got there, so as to produce more. Joy is a secret in overcoming.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Where to Go Out of Depression?

“My tears have been my food day and night...”

 ~Psalm 42:3a (NRSV)

How is it that life could have such a low opinion of us that it would castigate us into a bout of depression?

We can be forgiven for asking this question, among others; for questioning the injustice of life that we, properly caring individuals, are fatigued at such depth. Why is it that we, people who may have such empathy for the others’ suffering, are lambasted and lashed by this horrendous black dog?

Though these sorts of questions are always logical—and we can tell from hindsight, having recovered our reasonable minds—they can seem inappropriate and pitiful, as guilt and self-condemnation recoil through us like a viper in our piqued self-consciousness.

How Do We Love A Black Dog?

We may never have another opportunity to grow quite so close to God than through the one we have presently. This is both an awkward truth and an enlightening one.

It is awkward because we may still ask the question—“Why me?”—yet somehow we know what a special period this is—if we know God. The believer has a special advantage in their depression: they know God. And being part of their number, if we are, we have respite.

Even when we don’t feel the rest that God promises, we have hope that we will. We know that relief will come.

But there is an opportunity, even in a bout of depression. What if we could learn to love this black dog? What if we could learn to nurture ourselves in our sadness, in our incapacity, and, in our forlornness? What if we could learn to allow God to nurture us, to hold us, and to love us, and our black dog, through this period and ever more?

Images Of Love That Resonate

There is no simple answer for the way out of depression. Each person, each situation, and each case, is different, as are the reasons we suffer in the first place.

But what can help as we plan our recovery, and it always helps to plan, is to find images of love that resonate. We may have sources for empathy about us, counsellors and pastors and friends and family, but we have the greatest source of empathy in our belief in a loving God. God loves us many ways, but in these cases most poignantly by images of love that resonate.

Images of love that resonate are like colours of the rainbow; all of the emotions, and not just the sad and mad ones, come into play. God meets us emotionally. As we open ourselves up to images all around us, life in full flight, we allow God to minister to us, healing our hearts. Sunrises and sunsets, soothing rain, silence, music, stories of compassion, and a good book—all examples.

***

Finding a way out of depression is about finding love that is just right for the moment. Those moments provide hope for survival. And survival seems the key to growth and adjustment. Most of all, God loves us ever more through and out of our depression.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

The Power to Do Anything by Beginning

If we can do anything it is done by beginning it.

The beginning is the first and foremost barrier; the first and foremost initiative in bringing a thing to fruition; to bring a thing to pass; to create a thing or a way of being.

The beginning, and not the end, nor the middle ground, is the most important part. In the humble surety of vision’s boldness, the power to do anything is realised at the commencement.

What is generated becomes a flow, and what flows is inertia. And as inertia builds, what gathers is momentum. And as momentum continues, the initial boldness becomes easy to maintain. Indeed, it is easier to continue the venture than it is to stop. It is easier to continue as it is rather than redirect it, though oftentimes we do need to redirect, marginally, our initial efforts.

The Power Of Starting

We are tricked by our fear and fear takes many forms. Regarding dreams and goal setting, our fears emerge in the starting. This is because the journey is all before us. All the hard work lies ahead of us. Perhaps all we see is effort with few results; the long-term goal far off.

But instead what happens, in the mere act of starting, is a new chain of events unfolds. This chain runs in support of the direction of our decision, even if we perceive some indifference of support in the first day or two. Persist and support shall be ours.

It is easy to be tricked early on, not just by our fear but by our doubting, too.

Because the momentum is with the old way, breaking out hard in determining the new way will involve resistance. Or maybe, sometimes, it won’t.

Sometimes our resolve is so definitive and decisive, with no correspondence entered into, that we begin with the surety we would have hardly perceived possible.

Sometimes our resolve is the making of the new venture.

The goal is actually being achieved much easier than we thought it would. And it was our boldness, the belief that we had the power to do anything we decided, which realised the difference.

Just Commit Today

There is perhaps a thing that remains as a conquest unachieved. It has dogged us. Part of our purpose in life is to tackle this thing; this goal. Somehow, deep down, we believe we can do it despite the doubting built upon previous failures.

Our secret is today. Our power is enrolled today. Tomorrow is no good to us. Today is the day. Today is where the power is. Tomorrow merely borrows a veneer power—a power looking like power—but this power is not of us or for us. And power can only be for us or against us.

As we commit today, not holding anything back, we swathe a new path for ourselves.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.